Stress sucks

So, I had my stress test last Wednesday in case anyone cares. It wasn't a test of mental stress (although I should probably have that done right about now before I freak out), but a test of physical stress. Now, by no means do heart problems run in the family, but they were an issue with my father, so I'm not taking any chances. When I start having random chest pains, I'm gonna ask my doctor. Being the safe doctor that he is, he ordered up the stress test. Here's what happened:

First, I go into an office where there is a treadmill and some machine with a lot of wires coming out of it and a monitor with a scrolling graph...kind of like a seismograph. Then a cute assistant (nurse?) comes in and takes my "resting" and "standing" blood pressure. Next, she tells me to take off my shirt so she can shave my chest and attach the nipple clamps...kinky. OK...I exaggerated a little bit there. She shaves certain spots so that she can stick electrodes to my skin in order to monitor my heart rate. Then Dr. Jones comes in, asks me a few general questions and tells me to get on the treadmill. Dr. Octavius begins to run the stress test "program" and informs me that the goal is to get to 162 bpm (that's beats per minute) or the test won't be accurate. Great...that's only more than double my resting heart rate...and knowing how out of shape I am, I start thinking "this is gonna be fun". I was right...it was not.
The test runs in 3 minute stages. With each stage, the treadmill goes faster and the "incline" is increased (it's not a real incline, but you get the point). Doc Brown tells me to do the best I can and let him know when I can't go on but try and get to the goal of 162 bpm. Alrighty then.
Stage one is a casual walk with no incline...no problem...my heart rate gets up to 100 bpm...cool. Stage two is a very brisk walk with a bit of incline added in. Still not bad, but I can feel it a bit in my calves...heart rate up to around 130 bpm...ok then. Now the fun begins...Stage 3 is a a jog with even more incline. I started out well, but then my calves started burning, not to mention Dr. Feelgood kept asking me questions and the nurse is trying to take my blood pressure after every stage. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to hold onto the railings before my legs fall off. I quickly tell the doctor how I feel, and he asks me if I can keep it up until the end of the stage, as I am almost at the goal. Um...OK Dr. Goofy. I hang on for dear life and stare at the monitor, praying for that magical number to show up. 150...152...154...156...dear God, hurry up!!!...158...160...158... WHAT???...just kidding...162. Yay! I reached the goal with a minute to spare. So, I finish off that last minute while getting my bpm up to just over 170. Doctor Jeckyll slows down the treadmill, the cute nurse takes my blood pressure, the treadmill stops and I limp over to the bed and lay down. Dr. Venkman tells me that everything looks fine as they wait for my heart rate to return to normal. One last blood pressure check and I am free to go. I thank Dr. Rosenpenis and Nurse Hottie as I get dressed and limp to my car.
So...everything is fine with the ol' ticker for now. Stay tuned for more adventures at the hospital next week. I get to go back on June 15th and 19th for other fun stuff. Keep an eye out for the recap.

If you were keeping track, I used 8 different Dr. names. You get bonus points for correctly identifying where each one comes from. Some are easy and some are not. Hint: Dr. Goofy is not related to anything Disney. Good luck!